Het Stofzuiger Paradijs


chap 1:  our story begins
during last tuesday’s fit of “i’m home; i shall clean!!”, i vacuumed the entire house.  upon finishing, i noticed that my vacuum cleaner bag was full.  i removed it, and threw it away.  tuesday night being the night the trash goes out, i then threw the trash away.  feeling contented with my hard work, i enjoyed the next day by doing small art projects. 

chap 2:  oh, crap!
this tuesday, after my student left, i noticed that the weekend’s cooking extravaganza had produced many small things on the kitchen floor, like garlic peels.  i decided to vacuum.  i remembered i had thrown out the old bag, and opened the new box i had bought a couple of months back.  when i went to install the bag, i noticed that the tiny piece of plastic that attaches the bag to the vacuum cleaner was … MISSING.  i had, moronically, thrown it away with the bag. 

chap 3:  geen hoovers in nederland
yesterday (wednesday), i went to the nearby Handyman store to see if they could order for me a replacement part.  the friendly man behind the counter helpfully informed me that hoover (the brand of my previous vacuum cleaner) was not sold in the netherlands.  i would therefore have to search on the internet, or in belgium.  two things to point out here:  1) belgium is walking distance from this same store and 2) i bought the hoover about 1 1/2 years ago in mediamarkt, across the river, but still most definitely in maastricht, and thus in the netherlands.  not belgium.

chap 4:  how many times can you cross a river in one day?
today, after a heart-bolstering cuppa, i got on fred’s bike (which has been donated to me!) and RODE ACROSS THE RIVER (1) with the following items:  my backpack, in which i carried:  a small notebook with the serial number and other relevant data, my change rubber thingy, and a vacuum bag to explain what piece exactly i had thrown away. 
i went into media markt.  i went back to the vacuum cleaner area.  i found a helpful young woman with curly blonde hair pulled into a tight braid.  i explained my problem.  also that i needed a new filter.  she found me the appropriate filter and told me i’d have to go around to the service area to order the new piece (outside and around the building).  i bought the filter (9 euros) and headed out back.
i went to the service area, explained the problem to the young man behind the desk.  he said that hoover has a 2 year warranty, and that if i can find the receipt or even my bank statement with the appropriate withdrawal on it, and came back with the vacuum, i could have it fixed. 
so i RODE ACROSS THE RIVER (2) home, where i dug into the old files, and found many media markt receipts from last feb/march when i must have bought it.  but none that said stofzuiger or hoover on it. so i looked at the bank statements, where i found an entry from media markt that i had written “no receipt” next to, which usually means matt had it for some reason.  so i called matt.  he thought i was nuts, but looked at the copies of the receipts he had submitted to medtronic last year for reimbursement.  no luck.
so i took my bank statement and stuffed my vacuum cleaner into my backpack (yes it fit) and RODE ACROSS THE RIVER (3) to media markt, where a different helpful young man in service managed to find that indeed, when he plugged all the numbers into his computer, that was indeed the missing receipt.  and he printed me a piece of paper saying that my vacuum had cost 90 euros, and that i could get a new one in the store.  so i took the piece of paper into the store, where i chose another vacuum cleaner, a bosch this time, which was 10 euros more expensive, and a box of vacuum bags, another 9 euros, and i bought them.  when i bought them, i thought to ask about the now-useless hoover bags and filters at home.  they told me to ask the curly-haired girl back in vacuums.  she said it was ok to return them opened, even without the receipt for the bags.
so i balanced the new vacuum cleaner box on my handle-bars and RODE ACROSS THE RIVER (4) to get my things.  made the exchange at home and RODE ACROSS THE RIVER (5) to media markt, to the service office, to return the opened packages.  the helpful young man didn’t believe me, and went to ask the helpful curly-haired young woman, who said it was ok.  so he took the two things, gave me about 16 euros, and i RODE ACROSS THE RIVER (6) home to my new vacuum cleaner and bags, with only about 10 euros fewer. 

i have no intention of doing any vacuuming at this moment, but isn’t it lovely when the system works in my favor?  🙂


      1. i thought it was funny. oh, and this vacuum cleaner works FANTASTICALLY, by the way. i just had to try it. oh, the 1 1/2 years we have suffered with that hoover… and all because i thought it was cool that we’d have a “hoover” for a “hoover”… stupid joke. anyway, this one rocks. even you could appreciate!

  1. Ah, very good – a new, better vacuum cleaner AND your daily dose of exercise! Glad to hear it had a happy ending anyway.

    (Oh, should we ask about the motorcycle, or is that story still a bad and frustrating one?)
    -Ms. Huis Herself

  2. Meanwhile there is some poor UN agent stuck in Maastricht sitting on a bench by the river taking snaps of you going back and forth and writing you up for suspicious terrorist behavior. Because no normal lazy person would cross 5 times for anythign less than parts for a bomb.

    On the plus side, if any malicious faeries were stalking you, you’ve crossed water enough times to shake and nauseate them.
    And yay for things that suck good!

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